Tom Traubert’s Blues – Tom Waits

“Wasted and wounded, ’tain’t what the moon did, I got what I paid for now, see you tomorrow, hey Frank can I borrow a couple of bucks from you?”

I once got into a heated argument on the side of an Italian mountain with my Wife’s sister because she refused to accept that a sad song could be someone’s favourite song.

The conversation started easy going enough. We were drinking wine on a terrace surrounded by incense burners and good food as the sun was going down over the mountains. The lights in the pool below us were illuminating the white wash walls with that ripple pattern that just screams ‘We’re on holiday!’ and the cards had been dealt time and again by the time Vampire Weekend rolled around for their nightly airing on her bluetooth speakers.

‘Can we change the music?’ inquired Matthew.

“What do you want on?” asked Rachel answering a question with a question.

‘Anything other than this album again. It’s like the 10th time we’ve heard it in the last 3 days’ shot back Matthew with a pointed passive retort brothers and sisters alone can wield without causing real offence.

“I like Vampire Weekend” replied Rachel as if settling the inquiry.

‘We all like Vampire Weekend…’ replied Matthew before Mrs ForTheDeaf threw her hat into the ring.

“I don’t” she floated out there. “I mean I don’t hate them but this and the Mumford album are all you listen to. I wouldn’t mind hearing something else.”

There was an awkward silence between Brother, Sister, My Wife and those who had yet to voice an opinion.

My Sister In Law Kate drew me into the arena ‘Steve, you like music. Do you like Vampire Weekend?’

(I had to choose my words very carefully here)

“They’re alright. They’re a bit too spotless for me. And I could happily go the rest of this week without hearing this album again. If that’s what you’re asking?”

Mrs ForTheDeaf could smell blood in the water. ‘You’re a music snob, don’t you choose or we’ll all be listening to some Crust Punk B-Sides’

“I’m not a snob”

‘You like a lot of shit’

“That’s fair”

Kate is interested now. ‘If you like it why would you think it’s shit?’

“I’m aware some of my taste isn’t for everyone.”

‘But if you like it, don’t you want other people to listen to it?’

Mrs ForTheDeaf can now smell the Crust Punk getting closer and she’s not sure if it’s me or Kate who will put it on. She addresses her sister directly, “You like some terrible music as well”

‘Like what?’

Between Matthew, his Sister Rachel and Mrs ForTheDeaf and her Sister Kate it occurs to me I’m the diplomatic axis here. I can’t do the thing and yet I’m the music obsessive.

“Like Chumba Wumba and Sea Shanties.”

The room laughs.

‘I do like Chumba Wumba, Lots of people like Chumba Wumba’

There is a Dragon’s Den style round of disassociation from everyone but Kate. Everything from ‘Absolute horseshit’ to ‘Best left in the 90’s’ and a titter of unification against a common enemy (not Kate, Chumba Wumba)

“Well what do you like that other people don’t Steve?”

‘Lot’s of stuff. I Like a lot of punk and metal and indie that you’d all think unlistenable but I enjoy it enormously’

“OK what do you like that you think we’ll all love?”

‘Maybe something more acoustic? Ray Lamontange perhaps’

Mrs ForTheDeaf pips in. “He’s my favourite”

‘I know that Baby’

“Too depressing” replies Rachel like a bullet. This ain’t her first rodeo.

Mrs ForTheDeaf continues

‘I like his voice. He sings like it means something. Like he’s been there.’

Kate is perplexed ‘He can’t be your favourite. He’s always sad!’

‘That’s what I love about him’ says Mrs ForTheDeaf.

I chime in “I love lots of sad music. The Smiths, Tom Waits, Mark Lanegan. They’re favourites of mine.”

‘No! Not Tom Waits!’ – Mrs ForTheDeaf has turned her back on me.

“I have more Tom Waits records than I think I have records by anyone else. If we’re working on aggregate he’s my favourite artist”

Kate is not having any of this. ‘No way. You’re not depressed. Only someone in the depths of misery could love Tom Waits more than The Beatles, The Monkees, The Beach Boys, Abba’

The table erupts at once into a gaggle of ‘What?’ and “Absurd” and ‘Nonsense’. Kate’s feeling cornered and the vino is kicking in.

‘Right, what’s your favourite Tom Waits song? Let’s listen to it.’

“My favourite song? According to my iTunes it’s Tom Traubert’s Blues”

‘Never heard of it’

“Course you have” comes Matthew back into the fray. “Waltzing Matilda!”

‘Play it’

We play it. Within 3 minutes the card game is over and people are heading off into their rooms or for a late swim in the pool…

I like to party… Everybody does.

 

 

 

Advertisement